Dr. Kathleen Fuller

What is the solution for the loneliness of the inner self? Like anything else it is a self esteem process and the first step is to become more aware. And almost all of us parents and college students have some kind of loneliness, or eating issue, or we know a friend that does.

I was talking to my web master and he shared a story about his daughter’s first year in college. He said he went online to a chat room for parents. All he heard was each parent extremely worried about their college student. Most said, “All my son or daughter does is go to class, go back to their room and study. He or she doesn’t have any friends and we are concerned as parents.”

My webmaster said,” My daughter hasn’t met any strangers. I’m very happy that my daughter is involved in sports and has learned to make friends. She is making good grades and has the social skills, plus she feels good about herself.”

I said,” Well I know you Ray, and you were always involved with your daughter’s high school sports and activities or her clubs. I also know that you spent time with your daughter and praised her, which built-up her self-esteem and filled up her inner self. “

Ray models what the following book can teach you. Read it especially if you have a high school student. I highly recommend the book by Margo Maine called Father Hunger. This in depth well researched book explains the importance of a healthy father relationship.

In contrast, if a student, male or female, chose to isolate and be distant from high school clubs, sports or other social activities, then where would they learn the social skills needed to adapt to a large college or university setting? What if a student comes from a family that can’t be so involved in their student’s life? What if that student comes from a broken home, or a family with unrecognized addictions, or unrecognized mental health issues? What then? What chance does a student have to come from a full, mature, and adaptive inner self?

Again what is the cure for the loneliness of the empty self or the inner self? It is a process, and the first step is to take the action to become more aware. I recommend my book, Not Your Mother’s Diet, because it takes the reader through the journey of healing one’s empty self while healing food issues. All of us have some kind of eating issue or we know a family member or friend that does. Especially be aware that reading this book can help parents and definitely any college or university student.

What could you do right now? You can take an inventory that is included in my book, Not Your Mother’s Diet on page xi, xii and continue reading my book for solutions. As a jump start read the following and determine if more steps are needed.

Each person’s journey is unique, but certain behavioral similarities are fundamental at the start for nearly everyone who is affected with an empty inner self.

To find out for yourself how immune or immersed you are in these biases, complete the Checklist for Eating and Weight Issues quiz by answering “yes” or “no” to the following questions. The results may surprise you, but they can also act as a catalyst and a wake-up call.

Checklist for Eating and Weight Issues
Have you ever:
(1) Thought constantly about food or talked incessantly about dieting?
(2) Felt overwhelming emotional stress?
(3) Felt depressed with low self-esteem over several weeks, months, or longer?
(4) Felt out of control?
(5) Believed that all it takes to conquer weight issues is willpower?
(6) Tried to restrict your diet to lose weight gained from overeating?
(7) Felt guilty or ashamed about your eating habits or patterns?
(8) Started eating, then found you couldn’t stop?
(9) Eaten so much at night that you could hardly get up in the morning?
(10) Experienced relationship or family problems because of overeating, dieting, bingeing or purging?
(11) Held high expectations or standards for yourself and others?

(12) Told family what you think they want to hear about your eating habits, rather than the truth?
(13) Maintained a lower or higher than average weight?
(14) Gorged yourself, then used exercise, vomiting, or laxatives so you wouldn’t gain weight?
(15) Placed overt importance on your physical appearance?
(16) Admitted physical appearance is of ultimate importance to your family and/or yourself?
(17) Experienced swollen glands from vomiting?
(18) Experienced menstrual irregularities?
(19) Felt compelled to monitor what you or your children ate?

Let your answers act as a catalyst and a wake-up call and take a positive action.

Comment Posted by Sally Shields, Bestselling Author, The Daughter In Law Rules
“Kathleen, I loved this article!!! Thank you for reminding me of journaling. I’ve been getting that message a lot lately, and went out yesterday and bought myself a little pink journal and placed it by my nightstand. I can’t wait to get to my first entry. Proud of you!!!!” Sally

I had just returned from a major worldwide seminar. I did receive many answers to guide me in promoting my book Not Your Mother’s Diet. However, I had been expecting the major speaker at this worldwide seminar to announce my book and even recommend it to the audience. I had sent him a copy of my book about nine months ago asking that he read it. However that didn’t happen.

So I kept hearing my inner voice say,” It wasn’t the will of my higher power (or whatever name you’d like to say here). Your Higher Power doesn’t work that way in this case.” Saying these statements helped me distract my mind first from anger and then disappointment, discouragement, and turning into thoughts of; “Is life worth it?” You see how morbid my thoughts and feelings can be?

Have you ever had a disappointment, say with your weight, which caused you to feel any of these feelings? How do you become detached and neutral while practicing being in the present moment? Yes, that’s not easy yet, that is what I teach in my book Not Your Mother’s Diet. Many of the tips and tools can reprogram your subconscious mind for success whatever your goal might be.

So when I returned late Sunday evening after eight hours of a late afternoon and evening flight, I was exhausted. The next two days I had scheduled patients and I was committed to being there for them whether I was exhausted or not. On top of my exhaustion, my whole body ached and my emotional body was still devastated, even though I kept saying positive statements. (5HTP is wonderful to help your brain work to stay positive. See article -http://www.notyourmothersdiet.com/article_5.html)

Then Tuesday evening my love, Jeff asked me, “Have you seen the bee hive high in the tree right above where you parked your car. It is a huge!” The next morning when I went outside to water my organic vegetables and flowers I checked out the beehive. I was astounded at how large it was and that I never saw it before this morning. I went inside and did my morning routine. I was to talk on the phone and get an update from my media company. I also journaled (Jounaling is a tip for you to cope.) that morning, asking my Higher Power for a sign as to what I was to do next in promoting my book. Remember, I’m still feeling exhausted, emotionally morbid, and I needed some inspiration here.

What I did while waiting for my telephone conference with the media company, was finish watching the movie Seabiscuit. Just before I was to receive the call, Seabiscuit was running the race with War Admiral and I was crying. These were tears of joy because Seabiscuit won. Seabiscuit was a little guy and he overcame all odds to win the greatest race against War Admiral. Could this be one of my signs to uplift me?
About this time I decided to look up the symbology of the bees. I used the Animal Speak book by Ted Andrews. And this is what it said, ‘Bees have been mythical symbols throughout the world. In Hinduism, depending upon how depicted, the bee could relate to Vishnu, Krishna, or even Kama, the God of love. In Egypt it is denoted royalty. In Greece, it is used in the symbology of the Eleusinian Mysteries, and the Celts associated it with hidden wisdom. Probably the most significant and consistent symbolism is that of sexuality and fertility.’ And this sentence is the one that really stood out for me, “Bees are also long-time symbols for accomplishing the impossible. “ This was my answer, because it has taken me 12 years to learn to walk my talk after writing my book. Even now I need to constantly be persistent and ask for messages from my higher power to keep me going in the process of promoting my book.

Think about this. My process could be related to your process. Your weight goals or fitness or body image goals can seem overwhelming and you probably feel this very fact many times. Just as I felt discouraged in the above story, you can use the technique of asking your higher power for a message as I did; and then pay attention to where the answer might come for you. These types of techniques to help you reach your goals are peppered throughout my book Not Your Mother’s Diet -The Cure For Your Eating Issues.
Here is three tips to remember:

1. Ask your question of your Higher Power
2. Look for your answer
3. Journal your answers with thankfulness

And by the way, look for me soon on the Today Show or CNN and even eventually Oprah. If you’re on my e-mail list I’ll let you know the time and the date to tune in to one of the shows. My hope and wish for you is to learn to be successful in your weight, body image or relationship issues and remember Not Your Mother’s Diet is ‘ONE’ of many books that can be help you be successful.

Conference Details

Date: Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Start Time: 8:30 PM Eastern Std Time
End Time: 9:10 PM Eastern Std Time

Type of Conference Web-Scheduled Standard
Dial-in Number: 1-219-509-8222 (East Coast)

Participant Access Code 6992760